The Styles Report – WWE Raw 3/14/2011

You know what’s funny?

People say WWE can never build up a feud properly, and now we’ve proven that it’s ridiculous…

WWE has PERFECTLY built up the WWE Title Match for Wrestlemania 27, It could not be any better. I mean the back and forth, the exchanges, have set up a perfect atmosphere for the match, John Cena versus The Rock is going to be great…

…Wait what? You mean John Cena ISN’T facing The Rock at Wrestlemania? He’s actually facing The Miz? Oh… Well then…

SNOOKI! …And Cole in a plastic box… Wow…

The Miz versus The Great Khali

I was expecting either Big Show or Kane, ya know, so that even though it’s obviously going to be a squash, it can be a GOOD squash…

Nope… The Great Khali. I’ve seen ONE good Khali match in my lifetime, and that involved him being on the mat for 75% of it while Chris Jericho worked his ass off… But I digress…

So is Riley with Miz still? Are we going to completely ignore that run-in? Who knows, all we know is Miz is CRAZY with a chair, I hope he carries it around for a while, all broken and such… Much better than an empty briefcase…

So Cole went on about exposing Lawler, and bringing in someone from his past, and I said “Who’s he got? Andy Kaufman?” and my brother looked at me with that look of “Who?” to which I went on a tirade about how could someone in their twenties not know who Andy Kaufman was… Ridiculous.

Oh my god Snooki is so short, and John Morrison’s abs would be perfect for Jersey Shore…

…Ok I’m back, had to go vomit after Vicki’s Playboy comment…

Side Note: With the addition of Ziggler to Raw, alongside the likes of Morrison, Bryan, and Bourne… They HAVE to put Sin Cara on Raw, seriously, I don’t care if you want to put him on SD so you can dub in cheers for him, he NEEDS to be on Raw…

US Title Match
Daniel Bryan (c) versus Sheamus

So I guess Sheamus has officially dropped The King gimmick, sad to see it go, as much as it was apparently there to make him look bad, I thought he pulled it off awesomely, what a waste of my favorite WWE gimmick (KOTR)…

So if Sheamus loses he goes to Smackdown, I mean get’s fired… Interesting subplot, and I think beyond the fact that it was a good match, it added to all the nearfalls. Despite their size difference, Bryan and Sheamus have great chemistry, as long as no one else gets thrown in, a Mania match between the two “could” steal the show, given enough time of course… (aka not likely)

So Sheamus wins the US title, a former (2x) WWE Champion is happy to be US Champ, does it bring the title up, or him down? Seeing as WWE cares neither about the Title or him… I have no idea…

So 1. What percentage of the WWE Audience at Raw knew who Brian Christopher was? 50%? 43%? I dunno. 2. How after ALL of these years, does he STILL know his intro routine spot on? Ridiculous. Oh yeah, and you look like crap Grand Masta…

So Lawler (Jr.) goes on and on about how Lawler (Sr.) was never around when he was a kid, and he had to use a different name…

Side Note: Isn’t the fact that Lawler (Jr.) made it to WWE without using the Lawler name a GOOD thing on his part? And didn’t Lawler (Sr.) get him a job not too long ago after Jerry had his little sabbatical? I digress (a lot)…

We heard the drumroll and I immediately thought Piper was coming out, then I recalled that JR actually has theme music (How does Cole not have theme music yet? Can’t you just picture “AND I QUOTE!” ringing through the speakers? It’s perfect…anyways..)

JR comes out, they trade words, BBQ Sauce is mentioned (I LOL’ed) then eventually Cole throws out the right word (Coward) and JR is ready to throw DOWN! At this moment I was waiting for Jack “I’m a former World Champion, but even though Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and SNOOKI are booked, this is the only way I could get on the Mania card” Swagger (also pronounced THWAGGAH) to intervene, which he did. Lock Good Old JR in the ankle lock, then proceeded to lock Jerry in it aswell, followed by Cole locking JR in what I believe was an ankle lock, but looked more like he was humping JRs leg… I’m not saying anything, I’m just sayin’…

Randy Orton versus Mason Ryan

We’re in St Louis, home of the Rams, Cardinals, and Randy Orton… So either he’s getting the win, or DESTROYED (Is JR the only one who annually gets beat up in his hometown?)

I seriously thought this would be crap, Ryan is sooo green we should just call him The Hulk, but Orton who usually needs the carrying does some of his own and gets Ryan to the finish..

Side Note: We get it ok? He can hit the RKO from “ANYWHERE!” DDP had the market on this 20 years ago, ok?

Orton gets the win so it’s Mano E Mano at ‘Mania, and of course he kicks Ryan all the way back to FCW, I wonder if Husky Harris, Michael Magilicutty, David Otunga, and Mason Ryan are going to show up on SmackDown and call themselves the “Centerr” or something…

…DREW CAREY?!? Are you ******* KIDDING ME? The guy is in the Royal Rumble for five minutes and he gets to be in the HOF? At least Pete Rose consistently showed up and got his ass kicked… This is Ridiculous, Who’s next? Kevin Federline?

*Alarm goes off* ZACK RYDER SIGHTING! Ok, if Snooki’s going to be on consistently, and that means it gets Ryder on, I’m all for it, especially if Ziggler is going to yell hilarious things like “You’re not even a girl Morrison!” (I def LOL’ed)

Side Note: I thought Mistico I mean, Sin Cara was taller than he actually is, but It’s all good, I’m used to the mask now, Color scheme is B.A. and the number three reason I want Mania to get here is so it can end and Sin Cara can debut…

I’m tired, and I’m pretty sure Live audiences are tired, of watching VIDEOS of Shawn Michaels TALKING about Taker/HHH. If you want him involved, get him involved…

I’ll be honest, I don’t watch Smackdown, So I’m not that in tune with the Del Rio versus Edge hype. I’m sure if it’s up to Smackdown Title feud standards, it’s almost horrible by now, but seriously, Need to stop putting the guy on Raw, I like him, but it’s getting to be TOO much… I’m not saying anything, I’m just sayin’..

Side Note: Last one I promise… Why is it OK for guys like Viscera and Brodus Clay to be FAT, not just big guys, but FAT guys… But not Husky Harris? I’m pretty sure it’s because I enjoyed Harris… Yeah that’s why…

John Cena versus Alberto Del Rio

Cena and Del Rio have an alright match, I look at Facebook and read “The Miz makes a very good Rock impersonator” COMPLETELY forgetting that I had DVR’d Raw so I could skip commercials (And watch Being Human, good show, watch it.) and then boom “IF YA SMELLLLL!” blares and It’s been ruined for me… Somewhat…

Am I the ONLY one that even for a SECOND thought Miz ACTUALLY shaved his head? Seriously, that makeup/headdress/scalp cover thing was on TIGHT and looked LEGIT.

Miz goes on the beat down Cena, because, everyone kept saying Miz looked weak, so that means he has to beat people up, not just that he needs to be a focal point of a title feud… Oh no…

Overview

Raw as a whole was good this week, The opening with The Rock was a LITTLE corny, still funny, Some good matches, The Mania undercard was built up nicely, still wish we could have had a MITB, but as usual when it comes to WWE…

I digress…

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~ by TheJStyles on March 21, 2011.

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